I was trying to catch my mother’s attention in a crowded room one day. I called “Mom! Mom?” and since probably half the people who heard me were moms, I attracted the attention of every mom in the room except for my own. So I finally called her by her actual name, and lo and behold, she turned and saw me. And on that day the truth struck home—Moms are people too. They have names as well as the “mother” title.

It’s so easy to take our mothers for granted, especially since we’ve known them from conception. But there comes a time in our lives when we grow up and realize that Mom isn’t just on this earth to diaper us, feed us, burp us, and haul us to school, help us with our homework, discipline us, and be there for us when our hearts are broken. At times they will need our help, our comfort, our support. Since we’ve been conditioned to be mothered by these amazing people, it’s difficult to pick up on the hints that they need their children to see them for who they are—to be appreciated for their own thoughts and dreams, their own names.

I lost my mother to dementia long before I was ready to lose her, and once that awful illness struck, I was no longer able to hear her life’s story or write down her memories. I’m happy for the time I had with her, but there was so much more I could have learned if I had realized how fleeting the days would be with her.

If your mother is still with you, ask her something you’ve never asked her before. Dig into her history. Get to know the woman beyond the title. Let her know she counts with you as a human being, not just as a caregiver. Show her a new kind of love and appreciation this Mother’s Day.